A repository for posts by Amy, one half of the we’re {not} having a baby! team. Amy is a professor in Sociology and the Margaret Chase Smith Policy Center at the University of Maine, where she studies childlessness and the childfree choice, workplace harassment, and civic engagement.
In these archives, you’ll find some sociology and some sass. Hoping for less sociology and/or more snark? Check out Lance’s Rants!
To My Galentines, With Love
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As a 40-something year old woman, I’ve been around for enough years to have enjoyed my share of friendships.
Some were short-lived but intense, like the sort made at summer camp when you find your soulmate during orientation and then discover upon returning home that the connection was only meant to last the summer. Others have been longer lasting, like those with friends I met my very first year of Junior High and continue to see, even if only every few years when we happen to be in one another’s particular corner of the world.
The Most Wonderful {childfree} Time of the Year
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Oh, the holidays. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, at least if Andy Williams is to be believed. It’s also the time when those of us without kids may be more likely to have our lifestyle and life choices questioned as we’re spending time with folks we don’t see on a regular basis.
If you’re childfree, chances are you’ve faced the wrath of relatives at the Thanksgiving table or Kwanzaa feast. You know the type. The ones who seem unhealthily set on getting you to admit you’d be much more fulfilled with a couple of rugrats at your feet.
As a Childfree Woman, Every Day is Independence Day
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I’ve never been someone who likes to commit to anything too far in advance.
In high school I had a boyfriend who always wanted to make plans for the following weekend during the weekend we happened to be enjoying at the moment. I didn’t like feeling pinned down. What if something awesome came up that I just didn’t know about yet? What if I didn’t feel like it next week? What if I changed my mind? His attempts to schedule my time felt like attempts to control it. Needless to say, the relationship didn’t last.
Who Are You Going to Be When You’re Not Supposed to Be Anyone Anymore?*
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In the end, I’ll die in solitude, with the bitterness of loneliness.
At least that’s what the Pope has predicted for me, a married woman without children.
The Pope’s not alone in this sentiment.
Who will take care of you when you’re old? Aren’t you worried about dying alone? If I had a nickel for every time I heard these questions…
You’ll Change Your Mind! Childfree Myth, Busted
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Allison, one of the 45 childfree adults I’ve interviewed in the course of my sociological research on the childfree, is one of many childfree who have been told that they’ll change their minds about not wanting kids. The biological clock argument posits that women’s “maternal instincts” will one day get the best of their will and ultimately drive them to want children.
Childfree people are confronted with this cultural myth all the time. And when people once thought to be childfree do change their minds it doesn’t help. A recent reddit thread brought this to light. It seems Leah and Paul, a couple featured in Lauren Sandler’s 2013 article in TIME magazine on The Childfree Life, are expecting.
Completely Childfree
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In sixteen short words, Marisa Tomei sums up pretty much everything I think about having kids. It’s not for me but I understand it’s a choice that has meaning for lots of people. Whatever any woman’s choice, Tomei is right: it has nothing to do to with our completeness as human beings.
Tomei isn’t the only celebrity who’s been asked to account for her status as a non-mom. Last month, Cameron Diaz made headlines by sharing her thoughts about (not) having kids. Diaz explained,
Eliminating the Culture of Intensive Parenting: A Win-Win for Everyone
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We can probably all agree that we’ll never all agree on how, when, or even whether, the childfree get to talk about parenting.
Some say if we don’t have kids, we have no right to discuss the lives and choices of those who do.* Others suggest that we childfree are among the best equipped to be a voice of reason when it comes to parenthood for we’re less blinded by the cult of pronatalism.
Holiday Cards: Parents Gone Missing!
We’ve identified a trend in the holiday photo cards that have been filling our mailbox: a noticeable absence of parents! And it’s not because we have sooooo many friends who are childfree. Nope. It’s because those who are parents opt to put their kids front and center on their cards and take themselves out entirely.
We’ve identified a trend in the holiday photo cards that have been filling our mailbox: a noticeable absence of parents! And it’s not because we have sooooo many friends who are childfree. Nope. It’s because those who are parents opt to put their kids front and center on their cards and take themselves out entirely.