And The Winners Are…!

Lance & Amy's Stick Figure Family

Lance & Amy’s Stick Figure Family

We were blown away by the response to our Give Us A {childfree} Reason birthday contest. You guys really seem to know why you’re childfree and, we’re happy to report, are ready and willing to shout it from the rooftops. Plus, you guys are funny and clever and other stuff like that.

Can we be friends?

As promised, we convened our expert judging panel early (11:00 AM) this Sunday morning and in our pajamas, with appropriate w{n}hab! mugs loaded with black coffee, we began the process of selecting what we thought were the best of the best “Reasons to be Childfree”. Here’s where we came down. Drum roll please!

Childfree Honorable Mentions

So, the following entries aren’t winners, but hey, they’re not total losers either!

Jasmine – the childfree dark side had cookies, and no kids to eat them all first

As Jasmine says, choosing childfree is choosing the dark side, and the dark side has great power. And cookies. Speaking of the dark side, my theory is that Darth never really wanted kids but he neglected to use appropriate protection before fully embracing the dark side. This is how I think things went down:

Padmé Amidala: “I’m late!”

Anakin Skywalker: “What do you mean? You got here right on time…”

Padmé: “No…I mean I’m late!”

Anakin: “Oh… Ummm… Heyyyy…that’s…great…right..?”

Padmé: “You really think so?”

Anakin: “Yeah. Sure. Hey, you know, I’ve gotta go on a trip with Chancellor Palpatine. He’s taking me to a retreat in the Dromund System. Something about embracing your inner Sith-ness. Sounds cool, right?”

Padmé: “Ummm, yeah. How long are you going to be gone?”

Anakin: “Oh, well, that… I’m not sure. It’s this open-ended thing you see and the Chancellor thinks I really need to be there until I’ve really fully embraced the whole Sith lifestyle. You know the Chancellor! Amirite?”

Padmé: “But…”

Anakin: “Ok! This has been a great talk! Gotta run…light saber ain’t gonna pack itself!”

Padmé: “But…”

Anakin exits stage left, changes name, wears a mask, and never returns Padmé’s calls.

Courtney – No childproofing! Never have to unlock the toilet when you REALLY have to go

Courtney makes a good point. After a Clif bar and a ton of coffee this morning, our bathroom would look like a bag of circus peanuts had exploded if I had to manipulate some sort of device to access the toilet. Amy can barely operate the toilet as it is, what with her spastic pee-pee dancing. Don’t even get me started on not having quick access to the liquor cabinet. Nightmare!

Peet – because I don’t get arrested for putting the dog in a crate when it’s bad…

Yet parents can walk their kids on leashes. Go figure…

The Coveted Prize!

Childfree Winners

Ok, so if you’re childfree you’re a winner. Yeah! You just don’t win a mug like these folks do.

The Jones – when people find out I’m not having kids they say “oh, you’d be a good mom.” Yes, I would. I would be such a good mom it would make all other moms look like garbage. You’re welcome!

What a great point! Just because you’d be good at something doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do it. I’d be a great arsonist, but hey, I just don’t think burning down other people’s stuff is the right thing to do. So I refrain. Most of the time.

And let me also point out the inherent selflessness in the reason submitted by The Jones; a selflessness so at odds with common assumption that the childfree are selfish. The Jones is not a mother so you other mothers don’t have to suffer by comparison. “You’re welcome” indeed!

Steph F. – because Vicodin & ice cream would no longer be an acceptable meal

If this reason doesn’t encapsulate being able to do what you want to do when you want to do it – a key bonus of the childfree choice – I don’t know what does.

Bonus: This also happens to be the best answer to the question “What should you eat when your sciatica is acting up and you’ve got a hankering for something cold and sweet?”

Double Bonus: It also answers the question “Why is Rush Limbaugh like that?”

Deanna – because I wouldn’t want to unleash an evil miniature version of myself upon innocent people.

Hey, some of us recognize our own strengths and weaknesses. Clearly Deanna does. She knows that the world just couldn’t handle a tiny terror with her genes. We don’t know Deanna but we agree.

Now, we hear some of you asking the question “What if the miniature version turns out not to be evil?” This is simply a non-starter. It’s Deanna. Any spawn she spits out is going to be demonic*.

*We have no basis for this statement and we apologize to Deanna for saying it, mainly because we know what Deanna is likely to do to us. Pure. Evil.

Terrie – I actually have the time to enter blog contests to win cool mugs….

That’s right! Four winners! We changed our minds when we saw this entry. How could we not reward Terrie’s wit, insight, and all around cleverness?  Since she has no kids, she’s free of the 40+ hours per week burden of posting baby pics to social media. She has plenty of time to enter contests like ours. In fact we suspect that she entered this contest about 65 times under various assumed names.

So Terrie, congrats on winning all four prizes! And next year, cut it out. Let someone else enter and win.

Winners, we’ll be emailing you for contact info so we can send you your mugs! The rest of you, go buy your own mugs or t-shirts or magnets! Running this blog ain’t free and your purchases help us keep doing this.

Get your own gear! No contest entry required...just money!

Get your own gear! No contest entry required…just money!

On a semi-serious note, thanks again to everyone who entered! Thanks also for a great first year, for your support and interest. Please keep following us and talking with us. Here’s goes year number two…

Lance & Amy

9 Responses to And The Winners Are…!

  1. nina April 6, 2014 at 5:21 pm #

    Omg I’m dying. “Any spawn she spits out is going to be demonic”. You may not know deanna but I do and this is hilariously funny. I personally would love to see my Asian twin be tormented with crying babies all night long

    • Deanna April 6, 2014 at 8:54 pm #

      Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby! t(-_-t)

  2. Deanna April 6, 2014 at 4:42 pm #

    Haha! I agree with you completely!!! I’m pretty much the epitome of evil and anything that would come out of me would be 100 times worse than myself. I pretty much single-handedly saved the lives of hundreds, if not thousands, of people over my lifetime without them even knowing it. Yay, me! =D

    • Lance April 6, 2014 at 7:39 pm #

      I just had a bad feeling about you. 🙂

      • Deanna April 6, 2014 at 9:05 pm #

        So did my parents, but it was already too late for them by the time they realized their mistake. >:]

  3. Terrie April 6, 2014 at 3:28 pm #

    I won? I won? You like me! You REALLY like me!!!! : )

    • Lance April 6, 2014 at 7:39 pm #


      • Terrie April 16, 2014 at 4:52 pm #

        My {coveted and impressive} mug just arrived! Thank you, Lance & Amy! Now my loins shall indeed remain ever infertile. Cheers!


  1. Childfree - Give Us A {childfree} Reason - April 7, 2014

    […] contest is over…entries have been judged, winners have been named. You can see the results here and thanks to everyone for […]

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