Lance’s {Childfree} Rants

Welcome to the {Childfree} Thunder Dome!

Lance’s Rants: the collected wisdom of Lance…one of the few vocal childfree men, screaming my rage from the wilderness! I tear a righteous childfree-hole in this pronatalist world’s collective arse!

BAM!

Ok, that’s a bit grandiose, but on this page I do try to blow off a little steam while taking the pronatalist majority to task. Hopefully I’ll make you laugh a little, think a little, and most importantly, waste your employer’s money while you read this stuff at work.

Enjoy!

Meme courtesy of www.quickmeme.com

Meme courtesy of www.quickmeme.com

Running Shoes

I just ordered a new pair of running shoes for the first time in about 4 years. Exciting news, right? Not really, but it did get me thinking about why its been so long. You see, when Amy and I moved to Maine from Minneapolis we were both pretty avid runners. I’ve run a couple of marathons and Amy has run four. We’ve both done a lot of other races ranging from 5k up to half marathons.

Putting aside the ridiculously cold winters, Minneapolis is a great city for runners. Spread across the whole city are numerous pedestrian trails. Right south of downtown there is a collection of lakes, surrounded and linked by trails that provides nearly infinite, convenient routes for runs from a couple of miles to double digit lengths. Water fountains are staggered along most of the trails along with the even more important bathrooms.

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Image courtesy memegenerator.net

Image courtesy memegenerator.net

Princeton Mom Susan Patton-tly Crazy

In a fit of fear mongering that would surely make doomsday demographer Jonathan Last proud, “Princeton Mom” Susan Patton implores 20-somethings to giddy-up and get on the baby making train ASAP before their lady parts shrivel up and die at the ripe old age of 30ish. In fact, if you’re a recent college grad, you’re an old lady by Patton’s standards for “half of your childbearing years are behind you.” So get on it girls, and make some babies!

Patton makes her argument on the grounds that “you don’t get everything” and on this point, and probably only this point, Patton and I see eye to eye.

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To The People Who Seem Unable to Behave Like Adults

I like a good parent on parent brawl as well as the next childfree person, but when I read blogger Dad On The Run‘s recent post To The Person Who Left My Sister This Unbelievably Judgmental Letter I wept for humanity. Why? Because everything about it, and everyone involved, is ridiculous.

Here’s an open letter to all of you. Here’s hoping you can learn something, specifically how to act like well adjusted adults in our society.

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Losing a Friend; In Scotland, Laphroig Distillery

Losing a Friend; In Scotland, Laphroig Distillery

Losing a Friend

I have to admit… being childfree has been fairly easy for me. First and foremost the woman I’ve been married to for 18 19 years, Amy, has known for many years that she doesn’t want kids. Effortlessly being on the same page with my partner has made my choice to be childfree less painful. Additionally, neither my family nor Amy’s has really given us any grief or significant pressure. I haven’t been completely immune though. There have been the occasional offhand comments and questions from family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and of course, complete strangers.

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I'll raise your barn if you raise mine Wink, wink, nudge, nudge...

I’ll raise your barn if you raise mine
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge…

Childfree & Still Raising Other Peoples Barns

A barn raising is an event in which members of a farming community band together to, ahem, raise a barn. Technically it could be to repair an existing barn as well, so there you go. It’s not all in the name. Anywho, the point is that the community gets together to help each other accomplish a task that an individual or single family would be hard pressed to accomplish on their own. Now it’s important to note that in this context, building a barn is not a whim or desire. For farmers, the barn is a critical piece of infrastructure and without it they will fail.

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Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Chris Jeub – Master of Debate or Logical Fallacy?

Amy has already done a most excellent job of eviscerating the particulars of hexadecadad™* Chris Jeub’s recent blog post deriding the “Child Free Ideology” as he puts it. So why am I writing more on this you ask?

Well, I just couldn’t let go of something I read when I was digging into Jeub’s bio. You see, he teaches, writes, and (self) publishes books on debate. However, if you read Jeub’s post you would be forgiven for thinking that debate is nowhere near his wheelhouse.

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Everyone has a choice?

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Getting Parents On Board the Childfree Bus

Amy posted a link to a news article on our Facebook page. The article summarizes research findings on the relative happiness of parents vs. the childless.

For some reason, this Facebook post really attracted attention from parents, something we haven’t gotten a lot of to date, but which we invite. After all, one of our goals is to make being childfree a generally acceptable choice. That means engaging meaningfully with parents.

Speaking of, while reading and responding to comments on the post, one thing became clear to me. The childfree and parents were often talking past each other. In my experience that means we’re each starting from a different set of assumptions.

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Al Bundy

Flying with Children

dooce.com Drops a Deuce on the Childfree

A couple of days ago the Google delivered a blog post to me from dooce.com with the intriguing title Wait until this gets picked up in a childfree by choice forum.

Of course I had to read it.

The post is about the author’s experience on a recent flight. Some people on the plane were asked to shuffle seats and, in the resulting melee, one of the passengers took issue with being re-seated next to a woman holding an infant. According to dooce the resulting exchange between the passenger and a flight attendant went like this:

“I need my stuff!” he yelled. “And I most certainly won’t sit next to a BABY.” He yelled this with his arm extended, his finger pointing at the child.

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Vulcan Proverb: When You Assume it makes an Ass out of U. Not Me.

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Newsflash! Childfree Man Doesn’t Hate Kids!

If you follow this childfree thing much at all you quickly realize that there are a multitude of reasons for why people choose not procreate. There are the kid haters, the world savers, the hedonists, the volunteers, and the ‘I’m waaaaaaaay too busy for that’ types just to name a few. To be fair, most people probably claim some combination of reasons; I know I do. But knowing why a person chooses to be childfree tells you absolutely nothing about how that person actually feels about other peoples’ kids.

Ok… if you’re a kid hater I can probably make an educated guess.

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Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Childfree – Who Gets the Label?

Yesterday’s post sure generated a lot of commentary, both here on the blog and on Facebook in various childfree groups where I posted it. If you haven’t read it yet, please do…we’ll be here when you get back.

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

So assuming you’re up to speed now, I want to make a few comments.

First, I think it is incredibly brave of Rachel to put herself out there in front of a tough crowd. Whatever you may think about the post, this took guts. Thank you Rachel!

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Miracles Happen Every Day...Or In The Case of Childbirth 4.3 Times Every Second

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

The Not So Miraculous Miracle of Birth

So, one pervasive feature of our child-worshiping culture is this notion of “The Miracle of Birth” which quickly transitions into children themselves being miracles. I’m kind of a stickler for defining terms and then not letting people redefine them for their own purposes. Ask Amy how asshole-ish I can be about this.

As I was saying, more or less, words are pretty much useless if everyone gets to define them however they want. So let’s see how an authority on words – in this case Merriam-Webster – defines our term of the day:

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Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Offending the Childless in 140 Characters or Less

I have to be honest – I don’t get Twitter. And not in a Andy Rooney curmudeonly, luddite ,”I don’t like anything new” sort of way. I’m a relatively tech-savvy guy. I’ve written code and managed enterprise software products. I’ve torn apart and built PCs. I’m an Android guy; Apple…bleh. I spend too much time on Facebook. I love Google Apps and Drive. I order everything online.

With all that, I still don’t get Twitter. And it’s getting me into trouble, but more on that later. First, let’s discuss what Twitter is like to me.

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Human Torch (C) Marvel Worldwide, Inc.,

Human Torch (C) Marvel Worldwide, Inc.,

“Time’s ‘childfree’ assertion ridiculous”. Really?

So, I was going through our daily deluge of childfree Google Alerts when I stumbled on a little editorial on a site called codyenterprise.com. It’s written by Darian Dudrick who is listed as the managing editor. For those who care, this is a newspaper, apparently founded by W.F. Buffalo Bill Cody and Col. John Peake in August 1899 which is kind of cool.

The editorial in question was a response to the Time childfree article…of course. There’s really nothing special about the editorial; what drew me in was that it is soooooo representative of that portion of the population that chooses to view the childfree dubiously.

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You know what really grinds my gears? Accidental 18 year commitments

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Childfree Decision – A Guy’s Perspective

A quick note: this is an update and expansion of a guest post I wrote for The Childless by Choice Blog. A big thanks to Laura Scott for letting me re-use it!

Since I’ve become more involved in the childfree – dare I say? – movement, one thing is glaringly clear to me; There are a lot more women invested in this thing than men. Like way more. Like really, really, way, way more. I have a few theories on this…which you can read here.

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Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

“Soooo…it’s going to be just you two?”

So, watch the following video if you will…sorry about the advert:

[…]

Thanks. Now as everyone knows I’m a huge Sex in the City fan, especially the movies and especially especially the sequel. Everyone knows that sequels are usually better. Everyone also knows I’m rarely sarcastic. Ahem…

Anywho, in this particular case the movie clip and specifically the phrase “Soooo…it’s going to be just you two?” perfectly captures the confusion of many people when told we’re {not} having a baby.

(See what I did there?)

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Al Bundy

Flying with Children

Flying… with Children

So, earlier this year, I got an awesome opportunity consulting for a company based in Greece. As part of the gig, they flew me to their headquarters in Athens to work with their staff for a week.

This did not suck. As a childhood fan of all things mythological going to Greece is a dream come true. I got to see the Acropolis and the Parthenon, got to eat Greek food and drink Greek wine. I got to hang out on the Mediterranean and see the beautiful harbor and ships. Not to mention, my hosts were awesome. They took really good care of me.

But the upsides of the trip are not really what this post is about. The preface was just to make you jealous. No, this post is about an incident I witnessed on one leg of my flight over. And, you guessed it… it’s about muthah f’n snakes kids on a plane.

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You know what really grinds my gears? Kids.

Meme courtesy of http://www.quickmeme.com/

Lance’s Rants: Childfree Men Unite!

Hello brave reader and welcome to Lance’s Rants. My goal with these entries is to be a male voice in the childfree discussion; a view that seems underrepresented to me.

In spite of the title I won’t be ranting all the time. Sometimes I’ll attempt to be informative. Sometimes I’ll be funny – at least to me.

My ultimate goal is to draw more men into the discussion. Hopefully those of you out there in childfree relationships with men will encourage them to become involved and to be heard.

Read more…
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