{childfree} manifesto

7 thoughts on “{childfree} manifesto

  1. After 12 years of seeking a doctor to perform permanent birth control, I finally had a hysterectomy…. Because of pre cancer cells. It’s a shame that that’s what it takes for me to get what I want… Pre cancer cells. Even then, they were hesitant. The whole time I was in preop I kept hearing how young and healthy I am, from nurses who are younger than me. I wanted to punch them in the throat. I already have a date and confirmed guests for my unbaby shower when I’m healed. I’m gonna celebrate the shit out of this milestone!

    1. Andrea,
      Congratulations! I practically danced into my surgery (took a demon-possessed ovary for me to get what I wanted). My husband did not tell me for years that the MD who did his vasectomy gave him grief. Hubby knew I would have pitched a fit, especially since no one in the medical field would have listened to my wishes at that time.

  2. Muito bom essa ,chance de refletir ,sobre algo tão importante liberdade.Bom eu naturalmente não quis ser pai estou tranquilo do alto dos meus 51 aniversário kkkk gosto das crianças mas como gosto dever as araras,os patos nolago os pássaros,etc.noro no Brasil ,América do sul são Paulo.

  3. Having kid is a personal CHOICE.

    Life can be rich & fulfilling on its’ own. It depends on the person’s perspective. It doesn’t have a have certain someone (wife..husband…kid) to be rich.

    Lastly, God and Religion are man-made constructs amongst many others. Believe in humanity, believe in yourself and your own sound judgement… not some man-made constructs.

  4. 1. Choice. 2. Choices. 3. More choices. 4.Who cares? It was your choice. 5.SURPRISE! Your god apparently gives us the ability to CHOS! 6. More choices. 7. Are you seriously suggesting that it is immoral not to reproduce? 8. Almost 8 billion reasons and counting. 9. Free will and the ability to think for oneself without being a blind follower. 10. Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy’s parents should have chosen to be childfree. The lives of their child’s victims would have been much more meaningful. Your god also gave us appendixes, which are useless and cause us nothing but trouble. 11. Ahh, when you have no valid argument bring god into it. Remember “Judge not, lest ye be judged…? Apparently, you’ve forgotten that little gem from your bible.

  5. Dear Dr. Blackstone,

    I deeply appreciate your thoughtful and well-researched book, and the clarity of your observations. And for broaching a subject that has not usually been discussable.

    My response has been quite emotional. I want to say, I do not identify as child-less, although that description currently fits me. I want to have children in my village, but only if there really is a village first. There is so much that is changing, and so much that is about to collapse, and if I had nine other adults to do it with then it would be manageable; if I had 19 it would be even effortless. But I don’t yet.

    I wish to “adopt” all children through my actions, and to leave them a world that is livable, but it is not culturally normal for an otherfather to be welcomed into the lives of children. I try to “adopt” other parents, families that are doing the work of raising children and have already made the choice to bring children into the world, but they don’t really recognize what I want to offer.

    So I wait. I share about how I see things with those who are willing to listen, and maybe someday there will be a village ready to have a child. The population drop will be precipitous in the next few decades, I am pretty sure.

    I don’t really want to join the childfree communities on-line. I would rather join an “otherparent” community. I don’t know if any exists yet, I will web search that term soon. It is the individualism of the choice that our society embraces that I reject. It is the need for parenting to be locked inside biological bonds or within a profession, with money and insurance and contracts being involved, that I reject. I honor those who otherparent through these structures, but it’s not for me. I don’t believe these structures will be with us much longer. Money will cease to exist. We have outgrown it. Nuclear family will cease to exist. We need better communication and better relationships. There’s no way around that. No techno-fix or policy or twitter argument can replace really being honest with one another and opening up, for the challenges we’re facing today.

    For me the passion is in supporting a child, and thereby showing the way for all children, in becoming a fully actualized human being. This is far beyond anything most of us have ever witnessed. This is a person who is calm, secure in themselves, secure in the world, without need to impress people or pay a kind of tax to society. This person becomes an adult without the neurotic need to reproduce just to fill a void. This is a person who takes care of the ecosystems around her/him/ and is deeply attuned to the signals of the landscape. These ideas come from _Robes_, by Penny Kelly, a book I wish more people would read. In hindsight though they are all obvious. Indigenous societies have achieved this in many ways, but I sadly am “not indigenous,” at least not to the place where I was born, not for generations, and so it is a different challenge for persons such as us Americans to do this. For that reason, and the limits to growth and imminent collapse, and the many other hurdles that must be navigated at this time, I choose to bring a new body into the world (or give my support to this decision) only when the group as a whole is large enough and everyone in it understands the responsibility being undertaken and agrees to it.

    Choosing to have a child as an individual or nuclear family is a selfish choice at this moment in history in the USA. It is inconsiderate of the community. It impacts all around, humans and non-humans vastly. It destroys the lives of others’ children somewhere on the planet. It is a choice that models selfishness for one’s child. It makes one a poor exemplar as a parent even before the first words you say to the new child. Of course, accidents happen, and there are exceptional circumstances, but most of the choices to bring a new body into the world I have seen in my adult life have been inadequate ones.

    I don’t see a real ontological division between the childed and the childless, between the child born to the world and the adult that child becomes. These are false distinctions. There is no real wall between you and me. We impact each other. We’re all wanting to have adults grow up as the happiest and most responsible people they can be, right? We are all in this together. We can be so much stronger and happier together.

    In community,

    An Anonymous Otherfather

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