South African & Childfree

South Africans Can Be Childfree Too

It is a well-known fact* that South Africans are almost never childfree. Why is this you ask? Well, it’s because African predators like lions and giraffes are drawn to the childfree as prey items. Their tender flesh and thoughtful minds are just tastier than those of parents and parents-to-be. True story!

So it was a big surprise when Wallis contacted us out of the blue to share her childfree experiences. Read on to learn about her life, especially how she’s managed to avoid becoming a food item for big cats.

*It’s not really a well-known fact. I’m totally making this sh!t up. You should still read Wallis’ story. There still might be a lion or two in there**.
 
**Ok, I have no idea if there are lions anywhere near Durban. Just read the post.

Wallis (& Ken)

Wallis & Ken on a a recent trip to France
Wallis & Ken on a a recent trip to France

I read the guest post of Lisa in NZ and thought I should let you know that there are more people in the southern hemisphere that are living childfree 🙂

I am nearly 31 and my partner is 33. Since I was a girl I was never into having baby toys and silly baby accessories. Growing up I found myself much more drawn to animals than to babies. I have always said that I don’t want kids… and taken a fair amount of flack for it. I have a lot of experience with the standard responses of “you will change your mind when you get older” or “when you have your own you will understand”.

Several years ago I met the man of my dreams. He was recently out of a very serious relationship and was for the first time questioning the purpose of mindlessly getting married, having kids and living the typical life of so many. He had always kind of accepted that kids would be part of his life without really spending time thinking about why he would want them and questioning if he wants them at all.

Now, five years down the line we are both so happy living a childfree life. We have so much time to create the amazing relationship we have and invest in our passions. We both have successful careers and we enjoy travelling the world and having experiences that people with children just cannot have.

Between us we have eight nieces and nephews so thankfully our families are relatively ok with our choice, though we do sometimes get pulled aside after a few glasses of wine to be told what great parents we would make. We are committed to having great relationships with all of them and enjoy spending time with them. But I must admit that the best time is when they get sent back to their parents – they can deal with the tantrums and shitty nappies and school fees! 🙂

We live outside of the city of Durban in South Africa. To be honest we have not met many people who share our ideals and choices. Most of the people in the area around us are well into the conventional way of living. We have made the choice not to get married and to be childfree, both of which are almost taboo around here. Because we don’t fit the mold of what everyone else is doing we have to put up with a lot of questions and crazy assumptions. Sometimes we even joke that we can’t have kids because our cars are too small!

At the tender age of 30 my doctor still refuses to give me a permanent solution to contraception. He says he will only do it when I am 35 and absolutely sure I don’t want kids. So patronizing! I’ve been sure I’m childfree for as long as I can remember. I do not want to make a tough decision if there was ever an accident.

Aside from all of these frustrations and other people’s expectations of us, we are still happy with our choice and continue to live fulfilling, joyful lives.

Our choice is much bigger than just not wanting to have children. Having kids is probably the worst thing you can ever do to the environment – the extra strain of another consumer on this planet, the hundreds of years it takes for nappies to decompose and the future of this earth are just a few of the reasons. Then what about the millions of orphaned children around the world who could do with loving parents, yet instead everyone insists on breeding and having their own. For what? So they can share the same genetics?

Ok, I am starting to rant a little. Sorry!

To end off, the world would be a better place if everyone made conscious and deliberate decisions about having kids or not.

Read more Childfree Stories here!

4 Responses to South African & Childfree

  1. Lisa Taylor January 21, 2015 at 10:40 pm #

    Wallis and Ken, thank you for the shout out (and support). I am thankful to live in the times of the Internet to have those online for support and advice. 🙂

  2. CWI April 27, 2014 at 12:59 pm #

    This is absolutely amazing! From time to time, I type into a Google search: “Childfree, South Africa” and usally the result comes as empty. I am staunchly childfree myself. As you have noted, it is almost taboo or nearly impossible for people to deviate here (South Africa and shall I say Southern Africa in general) from the regular path of “get married, have kids, live that life”. So having decided out of nowhere to attempt another search today and finding your article, I was quite pleased.

    You are very lucky to have found someone who would accept both: not to get married (which is what my choice is as well) and being childfree.

    I turned 31 recently and a year or so ago, I ended a relationship which made me happy except that it was going to fit into the picture described above. Something was troubling me immensely. I never really felt great about kids in general and I am one of those people who actually enjoys his career, his time and his passions. I started looking around and found out about the childfree. It was incredibly liberating to be able to for the first time find out that there are people who are like me and that in no way I was “abnormal”. The more I spent time in childfree forums, the more I understood what my feelings were and what it is that I wanted to do with my life.

    Right after my 30th birthday, I consulted a urologist and I was really scared they were going to deny me a vasectomy. Again, Africa in general being the type of society it is, you were never sure it was going to work out. Fortunately I met up with a doctor who after asking me over and over again whether I was sure this is what I wanted for my future, scheduled the surgery. After it was done, I had never felt so much better.

    I never wanted to be in that situation of “mistake child”. Having children wasn’t for me and I knew it. Since the surgery, I have been the happiest in most aspects of my life.

    It’s great finding out that there are a few of us here. Of course, it would be great if more of us “came out” and opened up about it publicly but given the kind of potential badgering that might happen, I believe there might be a lot of childfree out there in the country, keeping it to themselves.

    As you did, I hope that over the next few years, I would be lucky enough to meet a female partner who is childfree and happy with the choice!

    – Another childfree, from Cape Town. 🙂

    • ezy August 23, 2015 at 10:40 pm #

      Happy for you guys, Im 25 years and hoping to get my childfree partner as well.

  3. Carla D March 28, 2014 at 12:39 am #

    Awesome article Wallis! 🙂

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